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January 6, 2018

There is a freedom at the intersection of: entrepreneurship, enlightenment and enchantment. These are the 22,000+ gratitude moments that got me here. [From gratitude journals 1999-2018]

75 MOONS AGO...
It's NYC time, baby! Have a blast. I launched X's site. I pointed X in right direction. Go on holiday! Go enjoy. I deserve this. I've earned this. Read testimonials and portfolio as a reminder, if needed!!!

21 MOONS AGO...
So sweet impromptu dinner with bro and Jude, and head tilt hug goodbye. Felt such appreciation and sibling love.

55 MOONS AGO...
As I start writing my luxury ideas for AirBnB in Notes, there's a live broadcast by founder of AirBnB to hosts. I love my life! Yes, chaos in motion, but I'm cool as a cucumber (like X said)

18 MOONS AGO...
My skin looks radiant without X in my life and I dumped the gluten-free flour to honor of the completion of our soul contract. Thank god for that. Done and done. Phew.

51 MOONS AGO...
Because X can't afford me, there was no pressure, so went all out with my coaching, and she cried and cried. She honored her throat chakra. OMG so much learning for me: when I get out of my head, I am such a brilliant coach!! It's my life's calling!! Now I just need an even mightier marketing engine. I didn't coach her on the wealth consciousness. I coached her on her whole person and being enough. 

4 MOONS AGO...
Felt good to call Karen and articulate how shitty the week has felt post "all bars raised". I've done sooo much self work and yet my body still carries soooo much pain and anguish from the past... heartbreaking.

79 MOONS AGO...
Yipes my victim saboteur fed mom's victim saboteur. That's what she wanted to hear. And I got so fed up, I fed it to her. Oops.

24 MOONS AGO...
I love Facetiming with Carly! She gives me energy, not drain energy, which is so rare for me. I feel so high afterward. So glad she shared her concerns about podcasting with me!!!

79 MOONS AGO...
OMG the work I did in seeing myself has helped Christina see herself: 'Thanks for really "seeing" me! It inspired and empowers me. Just being with everyone yesterday made my spirit soar. Very grateful.'

18 MOONS AGO...
Sweet! Airport bus departs 10min later than online schedule so I have extra few min to buy ticket. Otherwise, I'm stuck here for another entire day. Mantra: I send me peace. I send me love. I send me calm. I send you peace. I send you love. I send you calm. In the end you can buy your ticket on the bus. Oh. All that mantra-ing for nothing. LOL!

70 MOONS AGO...
Maturity to apologize and recognize when he is at fault.
[Present day: It's not maturity when one unconsciously does stupid, hurtful things and uses "I'm imperfect, you know." to wipe the slate clean and get off easy breezy.]

19 MOONS AGO...
LOL! Mainey called F a wet lettuce. He asked me: did you still want to meet up. I said: no thank you, seems like you don't have the space/health for a committed relationship. Wish you all the best in life and love. xo. And I blocked him. There is absolutely NOTHING he can say positive or negative, reactive or responsive, criticism or feedback that will speak louder than him cancelling on me so many times in a row without even acknowledging that he flaked, without making amends and resuming with "hey, how was your weekend!" as if nothing happened. He can't be counted on. He shows no passion. He shows no desire to be with me. If a sofa delivery can perturb him THIS much, what if God forbid actual life challenges happen to him. Dang, I have no standard. Have some standards, girl!!! It's not just about raising the bar. Have a god damn bar.

4 MOONS AGO...
Went to "scene of the crime" by fountain outside Costa cafe and cried... and realized the pain is from opening my heart wide wide wide. To feel it all and still keep my heart open is painful. Have been so used to keeping it shut, shielded. Let it break darling, let it break. Let go. Let go of the barb wires. Love like you've never loved before. Keep a wide, wide open heart and love. Like V said: if you feel love, so love, and carry on anyway. Allow the feeling. And in my case, allow the break. It's not a break. It's a cracking open, a re-cracking open. Geez, how many cracks can one feel in one lifetime. Then I'm gonna go back to other "scence of the crime" and I'm gonna allow. I'm gonna feel. I'm gonna make a quantum leap in heart enormity. To stretch the heart muscle AND progress my work AND live out my purpose. I wanted it all, here's the test for all: Love big AND move forward AND let go. Darling, here's your chance to stretch into that.

51 MOONS AGO...
He plays Moonlight Sonata on the piano. Swoon. 

22 MOONS AGO...
Artist's date: I'm cheating on myself with myself and taking myself to Michaels for crayons markers and baking supplies!!

67 MOONS AGO...
I'm so filled up and full. time with you is always, always amazing and healing, sweet Ella. you are a sparkly bright shining star and you bless me bless me bless me with your friendship.
[Present day: Darn, wish I could remember who said this to me.]

29 MOONS AGO...
How funny that all my 30s I wanted to fit in, not be different, be accepted, belong. And now being in Asia, I know I AM different and all I want is to stand out, to be different because I already accept myself and I already belong. Interesting...

45 MOONS AGO...
I figured out why I have a fear of what people may think: because I am a leader and I'm very aware of my impact, it's because I don't ever want to make them feel smaller or less than like others have made me feel. #empathyoverdrive

58 MOONS AGO...
An ideal day: Watched e-course, picked up new iPad, cleaned home for new guest, played with iPad, went on date, met more potential clients

63 MOONS AGO...
Ran into Signy at VCH building, right after Leslie's feedback on Responsibility of Impact. Interesting. I sat in the sun for 2min to get present. Would have missed her otherwise. Interesting. 

69 MOONS AGO...
Betty lunch hug. She said I'm a connector. Hmm... I guess I am, I just never saw myself that way. I love being surrounded by light and transcendent people.

80 MOONS AGO...
Outgrew every job I've ever had and super, duper quickly too.

Women who are free will set the world free.

Freedom on!

xo, Ella

Ellany LeaAbout the Author • Hi, I'm Ella, success coach and founder of Guide to Grace. With 100+ countries traveled, I invite women liberators to freedom at the intersection of: entrepreneurship, enlightenment, and enchantment.
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