Last week, I posed the question of:
- What makes someone who is a minority in my industry by my gender, skin color, age, introversion, sensitivity, approach to marketing, and by my approach to life... thrive?
- What makes me, someone who is easily overwhelmed, easily crushed, easily depressed and easily anxious... thrive?
Women who are free will set the world free!
– Ellany Lea
Part of the answer is from one of my favorite articles of all time: The Most Important Question of Your Life, where Mark says:
"If I ask you, “What do you want out of life?” and you say something like, “I want to be happy and have a great family and a job I like,” it’s so ubiquitous that it doesn't even mean anything.
A more interesting question, a question that perhaps you’ve never considered before, is what pain do you want in your life? What are you willing to struggle for? Because that seems to be a greater determinant of how our lives turn out."
How much pain can you endure?
Nobody told me that when I began this entrepreneurial freedom quest that I'd be called to do leadership work, consciousness work, and self-love work. Nobody told me that when I embraced the latter work, I'd smack into trauma work and family of origin work.
If I were a computer, then the Operating System that came factory installed in me was "Pain and Struggle." So when you run a program called "Joy", the system crashes. The OS treats it as a virus. Hmm... could my gargantuan ability to endure pain, lots and lots of pain, explains my ability to thrive...?
The price of freedom
As I prepare to jet set off 13-country world tour this Saturday at 2:40pm, with coaching business in tow, I thought I'd have a delightful last week in Vancouver, filled with friends, good food, girl talk and celebration. Instead, it's been filled with tears and constant flashes of past betrayal, injustice and disappointment. Weird.
And then, I receive this reminder:
Ooooooh. This is what's happening. This explains the tears and the flashes.
Definitely nobody told me that witnessing and feeling your old self die off would be a slow torment and that I'd be awake during the whole thing... while running a business, championing clients, planning a 13-country world tour, strategizing my next my business launches, while processing grief, loss and death. Nobody.
The choices we make
This week's tears has helped me realize that I've been living on borrowed time.
For a highly sensitive sponge-like person, who feels everyone's pain and hears everyone's thoughts, who wants to peel her skin off when you hug her with your perfume (so please don't hug me if you're wearing perfume), who jumps out of her skin with any kind of sudden noise, who sleeps for 14 hours after any interview, who is repeatedly told she is not enough even when she puts a $20k down-payment on her parents' house and has enough left for her own down-payment, I shouldn't be thriving.
I should have had my candle extinguished a long time ago...
And yet, I'm still standing (most of the time). I'm still creating, still growing, still expanding, still loving amidst all the pain, and still inspiring people to become person A.
Who will you be? Person A, B, or C?
when a child tell you they have a dream, do you say:
Person A Go for it kid, just like I did!
Person B I had a dream once too kid, but I was afraid to pursue it.
Person C I had a dream once too kid, but... then you were born.
Freedom isn't free. I invested a lot of time, money, focus and attention to be able to take my wealth coaching practice with me on the road to 13 countries and meet up with leaders and friends from all over the world.
But more than that, I made a vow to myself that I'd never look at my child and say, "I had a dream once too kid, but... then you were born." I vowed to the world that I would never look at any child and say, "I had a dream once too kid, but I was afraid to pursue it."