Back to top

The Only 5 Actions that will Get You Unstuck

It's official: Cuba is THE best place to unplug... because there is no plug.

Internet is hard to come by. So instead, I sat on the Malecón for days, staring at the Gulf of Mexico, contemplating the paradox of how close (geographically) and how far (everything else-ally) Cuba is from North America.

I sat and I thought of you.

Last Sunday, we talked about why women don't reach self-transcendence.


1) They get stuck between their head (Cognitive need) and their heart (Self-actualization need)


2) Or, they don't show up to help themselves and others realize their fullest potential.


A digital nomad's hierarchy of needs

I sat and I thought of you. I poured over hundreds and hundreds of my journal entries and blog posts to cross-reference and narrow down, from the cacophony of options, what are the few actions that really count. What will really get you unstuck and showing up fully.  

So I wrote and wrote and wrote... like kermit here. I thought I could come up with a wicked "Top 35 Things to do to Get Unstuck and Show Up" list that would get pickup by Huffington Post and Inc Magazine. Hehehe! 

Turns out, there are only 5. Five very simple things for you to do. Epically, simple things. So simple you might not do them...


1. Pay back sleep debt

I am 100% sure you are, or have been, in sleep debt.

Research shows teenagers need 8-10 hours of sleep. I slept 5 hours a night from age 14-23. So I owe abut 14,600 hours of sleep.

Young adults need 7-8 hours of sleep. I slept 6.5 hours a night from age 24-29. So I owe about 2,190 hours sleep.

If every day from 30 onward, I slept an extra hour on top of the required 8 hours, it will take me (linear mathematically speaking) 46 years to pay off my sleep debt. Aaaaaahhhh! Thankfully travel, meditation and silent meditation retreats can shave decades off that debt!

Pay back the sleep debt. First and foremost. The leaps you fear, the adventures you're not having, the fictitious catastrophes you worry about, all of it melts away when you've paid off your sleep debt. I promise.

For the most comprehensive guide on sleep, read Arianna Huffington's book, The Sleep Revolution: Transforming Your Life, One Night at a Time and get yourself a sleep accountability buddy.


2. Know your saboteur voices

Once you take your Sabeoteur Assessment, you'll intimately get to know your 8 saboteurs and face your top 3 self-sabotaging voices. I bet there's Stickler (perfectionist), Restless, Hyperachiever, and Controller in there ;)

You will realize how much of your decisions were made by them, not by your best self. You may even have a nervous breakdownwhen, like me, you realize that they, and they alone, have ruled your entire existence. And you didn't know it.

That's ok. Breakdowns are meant to accelerate your breakthroughs.

Your jobs is to discern based on visceral, somatic, body sensations who is talking. Your job is to to choose who you listen to. Once in a while, I still listen to my perfectionist because crossing all t's and doting all i's feels so good, like taking off ice skates. What... I'm human :P

For the most comprehensive guide on saboteurs, read Shirzah Chamine's book, Positive Intelligence:  Why Only 20% of Teams and Individuals Achieve Their True Potential and get yourself a "name that saboteur" buddy to call each other out.


3. Create your Olympic team

Just like life is not about finding your purpose, it's about creating your purpose, you don't find your Olympic team, you create it.

This team of champions is part fictional, part real. They include your mentors, coaches, friends, family, psychotherapist, nutritionist, acupuncturist, shaman, etc. Whomever brings out the best in you.

This team also includes the spirit of your deceased beloved mother, the voice of your spiritual guru, the vibe of the Universe, the energy of your innocent inner child, the glow of love, the song of angels, anything that inspires you and brings out the best in you.

To counter your saboteur team of 8, you'll need a powerful Olympic team of 12. Be ultra discerning about friends and family!!!

Do not take marriage advice from single friends/family. Do not take business advice from non-entrepreneurs. Do not take parenting advice from non-parents. Do not take health advice from couch potatoes. Do not take travel advice from passport-less fear mongers.

For the most comprehensive guide on building your Olympic team, listen to Caroline Myss's audiobook, Entering the Castle: Exploring Your Mystical Experience of God and create yourself a champion team of 12 today.


4. Talk kindly to yourself

Of the original list of 35 things to do to get unstuck and show up, 70% of them pointed back to self-compassion. To practicing the art of talking to ourselves the way we'd talk to a 3 year old we adore.

No more calling ourselves lazy for resting after decades of unrelenting hard work.

No more calling ourselves inadequate for not having reached the income level of our male counterparts.

No more getting yet another degree that we don't need just to feel like we have the right to be in the same arena.

No more beating ourselves up with a caveman club for watching 3 seasons of Downton Abbey in a row.

No more calling ourselves shitty leaders for wanting to take a vacation from our business, or from our lives!

No more.

No. More.

For the most comprehensive guide on self-compassion, listen to Kristen Neff's audiobook: Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself and get yourself a kindness accountability buddy to practice with. Because it's a practice. It's like showering. You don't just do it once and call it a day.


5. Left foot, right foot.

Left foot, right foot is also known as grit. Those who succeed aren't the most talented, most well connected or even the brightest.

But they are the most persistent. They try, they fail, they get back up. They try, they fail, they get back up. They got mother-f***ing grit!

They lift their foot and they keep walking. Like Jen Sincero says, "In order to kick ass, you must first lift your foot."

For the most comprehensive guide on grit, read Angela Duckworth's book: Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance and get yourself a walking buddy.


You entertained me so with your "ha! right on", "nailed it", and "ouch that's so me" emails last week. A few of you even said "don't worry if you don't have time to reply...".

I ALWAYS reply. There hasn't been a single email in the history of emails that I haven't replied to. It may take a bit of time, depending on internet availability and client priority. But I always reply. I always want to know how you are. I always want to squeal with you at your successes. I always want to cry with you at your losses. Always.

So write to me. Tell me what you want to tell me. Ask me what you want to ask me.


Can you guess what it was?

And next Sunday, I'll return to the regularly schedule program and tell you the one unanimous reaction every single person had to my legal name change. Can you guess what it is?


xo, Ella