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I've always been skeptical of the "make $90,000 in 90 days" ads or "from zero to $1M in 1 year" stories. I believe it's possible, I also believe that given the heap of crap women have to deal with, these over-sensationalized promos set up hundreds and thousands of people to be massively disappointed.

Maybe they were born with one single passion (rather than multiple talents and multiple passions that need to be simultaneously quenched in this lifetime). Maybe they had a trust fund to boost their business capital. Maybe a divorce or court settlement catapulted their success. Maybe they ended up with 60 extra pounds of unhealthy weight. Maybe their success cost them their marriage. Maybe... maybe... maybe...

An honesty matrix

To hush the swirl of "maybes" in my mind, I created an honesty matrix.

  1. I put me in the center (blue bubble), which was a first since I never put myself first or in the center before
  2. I listed 5 of the top experiences/successes I am on-my-knees grateful for (bubbles in orange)
  3. And I started reverse engineering my life. What pieces of the puzzle lead me here? Who crossed my path and forever course corrected it? What event occurred to nudge or radically course-correct my path?

In the end, do you know what I discovered? Everything, every single blessing was rooted in some sort of childhood crap (bubbles in pink)! Everything. Everything pointed back to scarcity conditioning:

  • money doesn't grow on trees
  • you must work like a horse because no one will give you a free ride
  • to be a good person you must be poor, and
  • the world is out to get you, so always be on high alert!


Purging Memories

Suddenly, I was engulfed by a tidal wave of sadness. It's sad. It's so very sad that I was conditioned to not prosper. I had no say over it. I had not control over it. It wasn't my doing or my fault. After much meditation and contemplation, I concluded that it wasn't my parents' fault either. It wasn't their parents faults. It just was.

So I decided to make a list of every negative memory I have, associated with money. I thought I'd come up with a list of 15 or so. I got stuck around 12. After 15min of meditation, I stumbled upon a memory that avalanched 40 more negative money memories...

I remember not wanting to go to kindergarten because all the other kids had sweets to swap, but I didn't. In our family, we didn't waste pennies on such frivolous things. I knew not to ask my parents for money and I knew not to embarrass them by telling them why I truly didn't want to go to school.


Since going to school was non-negotiable (we went even if we had fevers, flus, and hives), I remember, for the first time, putting on an act of "I don't give a shit" when really, I felt so inadequate, excluded, powerless, and hurt.

I was only 4 1/2 amd I had already learned how to fake my persona to hide my pain. I became too cool for sweets, too classy for candy. [Huh, as I write this, I'm realizing maybe this is why I don't eat candy... :O]

A few days later, I re-read this list of every negative memory I associated with money, burtn it and cried for weeks. Then one day, the crying ceased and I was ready to forgive. To forgive all the people and circumstances that lead to this scarcity conditioning and fake personifying. 

Two months later, my business earned $10,000 in 2 weeks! Honesty Matrix + Money Memory Purge = Awesome Stuff of Legends!

With infinite grace, freedom on!

xo, Ella

Ellany LeaAUTHOR • Hi, I'm Ella, founder of Guide to Grace. I invite you to join me for an exquisite freedom at the intersection of: entrepreneurship, enlightenment, and enchantmentFollow