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A Freedom Lifestyle Free of Fear • Part 1

I remember a time when I met every single woman entrepreneur who invited me for coffee, to pick my brain (or my heart). I loved it. I cherished our one-on-one time. It made my heart soar to share my business secrets and f*ck ups.

With country hopping and much better boundary setting, things changed. They had to. We'd meet virtually over tea. I loved it. I cherished our one-on-one time. It made my soul sing to share my business gems and hard earned wisdom.

Your vibe attracts your tribe

And now, with business ever evolving, 89 more countries to go, and RAWFEM Accelerator retreat prep in full swing, things changed again. They have to. Less one-on-one's, more Q&A blogs.

 

Question

Hi Love! Hope you are well. I am loving your posts about being a brave badass and I am taking a facilitated course on Brené Brown's book Daring Greatly. Would love to connect with you about how you created your lifestyle and what you had to do to overcome fear etc. Let me know when the best time would be.

 

Answer

High ten, my fellow Brené Brown fan ;) When in doubt, read one of Brené's books or take one of her classes or programs! I've read and taken them aaaaall. I live by them.

To answer your question, I went back to the drawing board. Every end of year, I write down the top 4-6 things that I now have, but didn't have the year before. Then, I reverse engineer it.

Where did those 4-6 things come from? And where did that come from? Who played a part? Where did he/she come from? And where did that come from?

Lifestyle & Fear

At the end of the line, it always comes back to childhood crap and/or parental/cultural scarcity. Sigh.

Even so:

  • My lifestyle was co-created. With courage. Which came from my tribe. This part I didn't do alone.
  • The fear was shed solo. With surrender and much pain. Which was made possible with love from my tribe. This part I had to do alone.

To have a freedom lifestyle, free of fear, I had to learn:

  • how to de-trigger guilt
  • how to say no
  • how to prioritize self-care
  • how to grieve
  • how to relinquish burdens not mine to carry
  • how to play
  • how to chose freedom over people pleasing
  • how to let go of people whom I thought loved me
  • how to surrender to love
  • how to set boundaries
  • how to ask for help
  • how to actually receive help
  • how to release blame and resentment
  • how to dissolve shame
  • how to get over myself
  • how to forgive
  • how to unshackle filial piety
  • how to walk away with dignity
  • how to meditate and dissolve into holiness
  • how to process and discharge anger
  • how to begin anew
  • how to extinguish old neural pathways
  • how to heal developmental trauma
  • how to thaw and feel
  • how to create and thicken new neural pathways
  • how to pray and hear the answer
  • how to not get sucked back into the past
  • how to break emotional patterns

Business mentors never mentioned these things. At least not to me... They spoke of sales funnels, marketing campaigns, branding, all super useful and needed.

But... would have been useful to know, in advance, what I had signed up for: entrepreneurship as a spiritual quest.

The above is not a to-do list. You can't take this list, catapult yourself out there, and tick them off one by one, in hopes of freedom. You'll die!

It's a to-know list. Just know that it's part of the freedom quest, and none of it can be actualized without the courage and love of a solid tribe. None of it.

Your fear is the most boring thing about you.
– Elizabeth Gilbert

So my answer to your question on how I overcame my fears and created a freedom lifestyle is: to find my tribe. They championed me and taught me everything I need to know to be free.

Here's the story of how I found my top 5 tribes.

 

1. Coaches Training Institute (CTI) Tribe

The world won't, ever again, feel lonely or scary when you have a global network of friends, who have consciously overcome their own limitations and champion others to do the same.

I didn't find CTI. It jumped out at me.

  • Whenever I move to a new country, I join hobby clubs
  • => At a dress making club, an expat gal and I instantly became friends!
  • => She invited us (ex-partner and I) over for dinner at her home
  • => A few days later, she asked permission to share her husband's opinion of ex-partner
  • => Her words, laced with love, helped me see narcissism clear as day!
  • => I left. Oh thank God, I left. Oh thank God, thank God, thank God!!!
  • => I moved countries and a BFF set up an online dating profile for me
  • => She said she'd only give me the password if I genuinely gave it a chance
  • => So I did. I met a date and we stayed friends.
  • => A year later, I brought that friend to support another friend's wellness talk
  • => We both got intrigued by the health movement and casually went into business together
  • => After months of preparation, grandma passed away 8 minutes before our big launch
  • => Her death flipped my priorities dramatically on its head
  • => I moved dating/relationships from rock-bottom of my priority list to #2
  • => I hired an elite dating coach / matchmaker to unjade me from narcissistic, sociopathic and insecure guys
  • => I got stood up on one of the dates set up by the matchmaker
  • => It was the first and last time any guy stands me up (tee-hee-hee)
  • => So I bought a ticket to the annual wellness fair and took myself on a date
  • => Of all the 8 doors I could have walked into, the CTI booth was the first booth I saw
  • => The local CTI ambassador jumped out at me asking if I wanted a laser session
  • => I though she meant laser for my eyebrows or legs. She meant a laser coaching session
  • => I had a session, it was neutral. I left my business card in their contest fishbowl.
  • => A week later, I was told I won a CTI coaching book! I have NEVER EVER won anything in my ENTIRE existence. EVER!!! It caught my attention because before then, I MOFO horse-whippingly earned every fruit of my labor. Me being the horse.
  • => I met the local CTI ambassador for coffee. She gave me the book. I told her what I do. She responded, "Oh, so you do coach already!"
  • => I answered, "Uh. No. I am a strategic facilitator," while thinking, "I don't do that woo-woo stuff." LOL!
  • => She challenged me to attend CTI's Fundamentals course. She said if I got nothing out of it, I'd get a full refund.
  • => I went home that day, read the entire book... and signed up for their Fundamentals course.
  • => At the course, I was acknowledged for who I am (a loving light), not for what I had achieved (a cash cow for my parents).
  • => It froze me for weeks. I had never been praised before for existing, only for achieving. No achievement = no love.
  • => Eventually, I thawed and then signed up for the entire coach training program!

Sooo many twists and turns! There is no textbook formula of: go to this event, hand out 4.5 business cards and voilà, freedom!

At every twist and turn, you make a choice that makes your spine stand taller, your heart explode bigger, and your grin split wider.

(cont'd A Freedom Lifestyle Free of Fear • Part 2)

Freedom on!

xo, Ella

Ellany LeaAbout the Author • Ellany Lea is an elite success coach. She's traveled 100+ countries and writes about freedom at the intersection of: entrepreneurship, enlightenment, and enchantment.
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